No, I haven't gone nuts, I am listening to the song "Everybody Loves Me."
Good music. I had the greatest vacation. It's funny how sometimes you expect that you're going to go one place and all of a sudden it factors into your life for the foreseeable future. Who knew that our dream house was across the road from the current condo? Who knew that the resonate of the beach and the family and the people would complete that empty part of my life? My God, I miss the ocean.
Listening to my absolute fave new group (not that I have given up on Linkin Park, just taking a writing break). Bri is out on the tractor whipping the acre of grass into shape, the house is finally cool and beautiful, Taryn is out kicking her soccer ball after an hour of flute practice, my beverage of choice is amazingly good....and I am reminded how much I love being in my life.
My God, I love being me. It's the first time in my life that there is no hint of depression, my major problems seem to be in remission thanks to reduced anxiety...I am out of the ungodly burnout from school.... I am finally back to being happy and balanced...I'm going zipping in West Virginia soon to celebrate our new Ball State status....the dots are connecting. Hope. Faith. Energy. Truth. Love.
Other than a #1 best seller, there is just little that I want out of my life. So many dreams are unfolding that I live in this almost constant expectation that God is just around the corner. Brian and I have never been stronger or sexier; Lex and I are writing solid work; Donna has discovered that our life as twins is still worth living and that we can love our beloved even after death.....it's just not the death of her. My girls are happy and healthy, family dinner is coming up, my hometown is humming with summer activity, I got into the grad program. Damn.
I'm waiting for Lexi, who is stomping my direction, to work on the Soul Thief before my agent disowns me on Twitter. I am ready for the first book to be out, the second to be done and be in that home stretch. Lex has all my journals and is teasing me through reading them. She's handling the diaries on her own, so I have been freed up to finish my "Unbroken" book after we are done with Lucian and the gang. It's so strange to have a real life template of Lucian now, to hear that voice that I've imagined and see the eyes that haunt me. His name dear world, is Zachary, he is 36 with amazing brown eyes and black hair, a full time professional actor capable of carrying the movie script and still melt women everywhere....and even Brian gets creeped out about how much the man resembles Lucian.
I'm off to Anderson then Indy tomorrow, called to the state office to "discuss my ordination." I assume that I've done something stupid they aren't happy with - the cosmo article was a little racy, but hey, what is a girl to do? It's just real life stuff. People have sex, and want to know how to spice up that relationship. I guess I'm not supposed to talk about stuff like that, or how much I went into a tail spin in grief last year, or how much I miss D every day...Or, maybe they don't appreciate my overall pluralistic "God is in everything" attitude. I don't know. I may return tomorrow as a unlicensed person. I won't give up writing, acting like a twin or being myself, no matter what.....so if that is the license I lose, it sure as hell beats losing my psychologists license. God is my author, finisher, soul mate....I won't give up on my call, no matter what.
Steve Jobs says that if you wake up in the morning and you say "Is this what I want to be doing today?" the answer should be yes. I can't imagine another life. Yes, yes, yes. I am fortunate, happy, blessed and in love with the one man that has ever known me, understood me, loved me and been honestly my best friend and lover. I have great children, an amazing amount of talent that I don't deserve and more dreams than a lifetime deserves.
I can only pray the same for you.
Be happy, love life, live full on.
No apathy, no regret.
Love...is...everything.
